Suzanne Asaff Blankenship

New Year, New View

Mon, 26 Jan 2026 20:46:22 GMT

What is the most frequently heard answer to my question “How are your parents doing?” It is “My parents are doing great now.” I understand the need to believe that your parents are doing well. I’ve been there and I’ve said that too.

I’m sure it’s true too. Your parents are doing fine right now. Maybe they still live by themselves, perhaps in the house where you grew up. Maybe they still drive, or volunteer, or host the holiday meal.

It’s not that you need to admit that they aren’t doing well; it’s that you should be aware that they might need your help sometime and you should talk to them about it. “Sometime” might be in the next decade, next year, or next week.

Take off the rose colored glasses and view your parents through the lens of reality. What are they having a hard time doing? What do they struggle with? What could happen if that situation or condition worsens? What does one parent do that the other one doesn’t ever do?

If they have had joint replacements and live in a house with 4 levels of stairs, perhaps you could discuss how to remodel or install a device that helps them maneuver better.

Say one parent always handles the bills and the money. You could help the other parent learn how to be a back-up. This would be a good way to make sure one doesn’t leave the other in the dark, should something happen.

Does one parent do all the cooking? Could you help the other one learn enough to be familiar with the kitchen?

If your parent is single, do they insist on keeping all of their financial dealings secret? Perhaps you could explain that, if you are listed as an authorized user on the bank account, you would be able to help out if they ever needed you to pay a bill or talk to the bank. Would they be willing to share where they keep their passwords, in case of emergency?

Are you or one of your siblings listed as their Power of Attorney? Did they give a copy to you or your sibling? Could they introduce you to their attorney or investment advisor?

Have you asked them if they’ve listed you as an emergency contact on their medical forms or with their neighbors? If you get a call one day from some random person claiming to live next to your parent who says they are worried because they haven’t seen your parent in the last several days, would you know who they were?

It’s not that they aren’t “doing great”, it’s that you should be thinking of ways to keep them doing well, to help ease their struggles and keep them independent for as long as possible.

It’s a new year. Open your eyes to a “new view” of your parents. Focus on a common goal of helping them be and do their best for as long as they can – by being smart, planning ahead and having open, honest conversations.

New Year, New View

Alphabet Soup – Medigap Lingo Spelled Out

Wed, 03 Dec 2025 18:13:14 GMT

It’s open enrollment time for Medicare and Medicare Supplement insurance plans (Medigap) (Oct. 15-Dec. 7). After a brief glance at this menagerie, you may be seeing stars (or letters!). Here’s a quick cheat sheet to get you started.

Medicare supplemental insurance (Medigap) policies are sold to cover some or all of the expenses that Original Medicare doesn’t cover (the “gap”).

There are 8 standardized types of Medigap policies across the country (plus 2 more if your elder qualified for Medicare prior to Jan. 1, 2020). Each plan is identified by a letter (Plan A to Plan N). If a plan is offered in your elder’s state, it will be the same plan (no matter which insurance company they choose) across the country. There are some exceptions in MA, MN and WI, where policies are offered differently. {Why are there always exceptions???} If your elder lives in one of those states, go to Medicare.gov for more details.

Medigap policies differ in the amounts of coverage they provide in these areas:

Medicare Part A/Part B deductibles and coinsurance
Skilled nursing facility coverage,
Hospice out-of-pocket expenses (coinsurance)
Excess medical charges (above Medicare approved amount),
Foreign emergency care.

For quick reference:

Plans C and F are no longer available to folks who qualified for Medicare after Jan. 1, 2020. If your elder was enrolled in one of those plans already, they can still keep it.
Plan N is comparable to prior Plan F but with an office visit and ER visit copay, which lowers the premium. (I think this deserves a second look, from a value perspective.)
Plan K is a cost-sharing plan with most costs being shared 50/50 with the plan and the patient. Plan L is similar but covers 75% plan/25% patient. Both have out-of-pocket limits on how much a patient will have to pay annually.
Plan A is a basic plan that covers most of Medicare Part A/B coinsurance, but not the deductibles, skilled nursing facility coinsurance or foreign coverage.
Plan G is offered in some states as a high-deductible plan.
Plans B, D, G and M offer different combinations of the above.

Some basic info:

Original Medicare does not cover dental, vision or hearing expenses. Therefore, Medigap policies do not either. Medicare Advantage plans do have coverage in these areas.
Original Medicare does not cover prescription drugs; therefore, neither do the Medigap plans. Your elder must purchase prescription drug coverage separately (called Medicare Part D), with the same enrollment period of Oct. 15-Dec. 7.

The best place to start, in my opinion, is on Medicare.gov . Click on Find Plans and enter your senior’s zip code. Their options will be shown (by Plan letter) from the different insurance companies that are offering plans in that area.

If you search for “compare Medigap policies” on Medicare.gov, there is a chart comparing the plans and what they cover.

AARP also has a good article on Medigap plans. Here’s the link: https://www.aarp.org/medicare/faq/what-is-medigap-insurance/

Each state has a State Health Insurance Assistance Program (SHIP) that offers unbiased, individualized help with finding and matching the best coverage for your elder, their care needs and their budget. Go to www.SHIPHELP.org to find the local program nearest your loved ones.

This is not a comprehensive guide, nor should you consider this gospel on the subject. It’s just a summary of what I’ve found to be helpful in evaluating what the options are in Medigap coverage. Now, start with a large latte and go from there.

A personal note: I’m not a fan of Medicare Advantage plans. They offer lower/no premiums with HMO-type coverage but I’ve often found the choices in medical providers are very limited. On a positive note, Medicare Advantage plans cover prescription drugs, as well as some dental, vision and hearing. Some even help with transportation. Because these are plans entirely managed by private insurers rather than Medicare, they can cover more/less than Original Medicare in specific areas. They should get a good deal of investigation before you make that choice. Just my two cents.

Alphabet Soup – Medigap Lingo Spelled Out

S.T.A.R.T. Here

Mon, 01 Dec 2025 18:13:14 GMT

When your elder is exposed to a new situation, you should START here with these action items. Use this handy acronym to guide you through the steps.

Elders can encounter new situations in many forms. For example, a new residence, a hospital stay, a new doctor visit, or a new caregiver can each present an opportunity to share important (sometimes critical) information about your loved one.

Using these steps, you can make sure all players in the new situation are up-to-date on what they need to know about your elder, especially as it pertains to their care.

S.T.A.R.T.

S – Survey – What about the situation is new? What info should be shared that is critical? What is helpful? What would make them comfortable or uncomfortable? What would your elder want the folks around them to know?

Examples – Your elder moves from hospital to rehab. Are they hesitant to ask for assistance? Do they have special dietary needs, allergies or preferences? Do they prefer same sex aides? Do they love a certain TV program or have a favorite activity?

Suppose your elder living with dementia is paranoid at times. Would a hospital or care facility need to know that upon arrival? Should the care providers be made aware of the dementia and how it presents in your elder?

T – TALK – Tell all of the folks in the new situation any important info about your elder. Give them the information that will allow them to be successful in caring for your loved one. Be honest. Be thorough. Be willing to hear their input as well.

Examples – If your elder has a new aide coming to their home, this person is unlikely to know your elder’s personality, their preferences, their habits or their needs. Sit down and review all of those. Ask for their immediate observations. Ask if they have questions or concerns.

If your elder cannot fully articulate their needs, make sure whomever is caring for them has access to important information as well as your contact (or other decision-maker) to ask if they encounter a need for more info or clarification.

If your elder has oxygen and needs to be reminded to leave it on or put it on, share that with anyone new or in any new situation. Do they need to be reminded to use their walker, take meds or drink water?

A – ASSESS – Once you’ve shared important info about your loved one, assess whether the communication has worked to make your elder comfortable and receive the care they need.

Examples – Are the aides understanding your elder’s need for privacy in the bathroom? Does the care community give your mom iced tea when she always wants water? Is the hospital checking in to see if your elder needs to go to the bathroom or has eaten their meal? Are the meals matching your elder’s dietary needs and preferences?

Does the doctor provide a visit summary to family members (as you’ve requested) when the elder visits alone and has cognitive impairment? Do the next steps at a care conference get done?

R- REPEAT – Repeat any information or instructions that aren’t getting the attention that is necessary. Re-introduce any care needs that are falling through the cracks. Ask for an update on how the situation is going – ask your elder, ask the care providers, ask family members. Everyone should know that the team is there to provide the best care possible – so remember to keep that in mind when discussing with team members.

Examples – Maybe the hospital staff has a new team onboard, check to see if they are aware of your elder’s requests or needs. Do they know who to contact should they have questions?

Have you reached out to the activities staff at your elder’s new community? Do they know your dad loves to play cards? Is there some member of the team that still needs to be updated with information?

T – TRADE PLACES – Put yourself in the shoes of your elder, the care aide, the PT staff at rehab, the doctor, the nurse, anyone providing assistance or care.

Examples – Is your elder set up for success in this new situation? Can they provide you with some way to gauge their comfort or discomfort?

Do the care providers or other team members have the tools to use the information you’ve provided to care for your elder appropriately?

Always assume that the entire team wants the best outcome for your elder. Make sure all members (including family) have all the information and tools they need to achieve that good outcome.

Remember this is a marathon, not a sprint. You need to be organized, have good support and take care of yourself too!

S.T.A.R.T. Here

A Time and Place for Being “Controlling”

Sun, 30 Nov 2025 18:13:14 GMT

A Time and Place for Being “Controlling”

There is at least one instance where being “controlling” is a good thing – it’s when you or your loved one leave an Advance Directive. You are giving orders through a piece of paper when you can’t otherwise make your wishes known.

What is an Advance Directive?

It is a legal form that specifies the circumstances under which you or your elder want intervention to prevent death and when you don’t. The Advance Directive tells medical providers and healthcare professionals what kind of end of life care you want, what procedures you want to be used and which you don’t. It also gives directions about organ donation. Advance Directives are usually paired with a medical power of attorney.

Why is it important to be in control here?

If you or your elder are incapacitated and cannot give directions about care, if the situation is life-threatening and time is limited, the Advance Directive speaks for you or your elder in a clear, concise and definitive manner.

Without an Advance Directive, the care providers (who may not know you or your elder) may be the ones making the decisions about what procedures or care measures you might want or need. Your loved ones may be making decisions for you or your elder with a medical power of attorney. But, they may not be aware of what your preferences are and the priorities you would give if you were able to voice your opinion.

An Advance Directive allows you or your elder to have a voice about the care of your body, even when unconscious, in a coma, severely injured, have dementia or are in a life-threatening medical situation. It details when or if you would want care withheld or withdrawn.

Sometimes this directive is called a Do Not Resuscitate Order or DNR. Most often, an advance directive is called a Living Will. Each state has different forms, procedures and, often, different names for this. You’ll want to consult an attorney for specifics.

What kinds of treatment does an Advance Directive specify? For example:

In what instances would a feeding tube be allowed and when it wouldn’t
Under what circumstances would a ventilator or breathing device be used and when it wouldn’t
When should CPR be used and when it should be withheld
What types of lifesaving measures are acceptable and when should they be used, as well as when they should be discontinued
If in a permanent vegetative state, how long and in what medical condition would you want your life prolonged?
Your preferences about organ donation

Advance Directives are most often written under the guidance of an attorney and, usually, need to be witnessed, notarized and may require a physician’s signature as well. Again, the requirements will vary by state.

Many states use a generic form called MOST – short for Medical Orders for Scope of Treatment. Some states have a similar form with a slightly different name. This form can be used as a type of Advance Directive – but please, check with an attorney.

In addition to having a written Advance Directive, please have a discussion with the people who will hold medical power of attorney and/or close family members. The medical team will be asking for direction and guidance from these folks in life-threatening situations. They should know the wishes of you or your elder, even without the form. Talk about it. Open up about when you would want lifesaving measures and when you wouldn’t. Tell them if you want to be an organ donor.

Advance Directives allow the wishes of the one receiving care to, hopefully, be the controlling voice in life-threatening scenarios.

*A big disclaimer here – I’m not offering legal advice. I’m not an attorney. Legal forms, their terminology and their requirements vary by state. Consult with an attorney about advance directives. This is just a discussion to get started.

Spring Cleaning

Fri, 01 Aug 2025 00:01:58 GMT

Have that itch to start Spring Cleaning? How about starting at your elder’s house? Here are some ideas to help sort the “treasures” of 70-80 years of living.

Sorting through a household is a daunting task, especially one that has been collecting belongings for seven or eight decades! To help you get started, I suggest that as you evaluate the items, you sort them into 3-5 categories:

Items that your elders will want to keep with them always
Items that family members may want
Items that can be sold at an estate sale, antique store or online
Items to donate to charity
Items to throw away

I like to use the colored dot stickers that you can purchase at the office supply store – one dot for each category (also one for each family member who will receive any of the items). For items in the first two categories, it’s fun to sit down with your parents and family members to share the stories about each treasure.

Ask them:

When did you acquire this?
How did you acquire it? Gift? From whom? Purchase? Where? (get the whole scoop)
Tell us about it. What are your favorite memories associated with it?

Then, write the information down. Capture the story. I like to use the clear adhesive stickers (again from the office supply store). Write the summary on a sticker and affix it to the item (underside, back, etc.). That way, the story stays with the item! I’ve heard way too many folks say they inherited items that they knew were family keepsakes, but had no idea why or what the story was behind them. Don’t let this happen to you. Get the stories and have fun with your elder in the process!

If your elder wants certain items to go to a particular individual, have them make a list in their own handwriting of the items and who they want to receive them. Put this list with their will or store with other important paperwork.

For items to be sold or donated, remember this part is like an onion – it gets peeled in layers and may not be done just once! Your elder may be ready to part with some items now and may want to hold on to others for longer. Get an estimate of the value of these items – antiques, collections, sets of china/silver/crystal. Don’t assume it’s worthless and don’t assume it’s a Rembrandt. Get an expert opinion, search online or look for comparable items. You can take these to an antique or consignment store, have an estate sale or sell them online. There are also professionals that can do estate sales for you (and take a percentage). You may want to contact them if your elder is ready to move or is ready to start the process of clearing out the treasures now.

For photos, you’ll want to list the names of the folks in the photograph, where they were and if there was a story behind it. At the very least, get the names and write that on the back of the photo (or use a sticker). I can’t tell you how many family photos get thrown away because no one knows who was in that photo from years ago. Plus, it’s fun to hear the elder’s excitement when they share the story!

For clothing, remember local shelters need clothing for their clients. A plug here for more formal or business clothing, Dress for Success helps women seeking employment get clothing for interviews and starting out in a job. Check out their website for items they currently need. Other options for vintage clothing and accessories are the drama departments of local schools or colleges. Some community theaters would appreciate some of these items as well – maybe even a few items for props!

Just remember starting out now is a way to spread out this daunting task. But, it also comes with the rewards of sharing some great memories too! Happy Spring Cleaning!.

Spring Cleaning

Think & Drink

Sat, 01 Mar 2025 23:55:47 GMT

One of the most important elements of good health is drinking plenty of water. Many of us do not hydrate as much as we should; this is especially true for elders. How can we help them with hydration?

How much water do elders need?

There’s no exact answer for this but the daily guideline is 8 oz. of water for every 20 lbs. of weight. That’s 6-8 glasses of water for the average person. With exercise, warm weather and medications that cause frequent urination, the amount may increase. Check with your elder’s doctor for a more exact guideline.

Why don’t they drink more water?

According to Nancy Timothy, Wellness Nurse at Arbor View Assisted Living in Arvada, CO, for older folks, their sense of thirst decreases with age. They don’t recognize that basic need for hydration that our sense of thirst inspires.

I bet you thought your elders were just being obstinate. Well, they may be that, but they may also really not be thirsty.

Dementia, medications and physical limitations can also play a role in how much our elders do or don’t drink in the course of a day. The less water they drink, the more their thirst can diminish.

What can we do to help?

If your elders live alone, they might benefit from a pitcher or canister with measuring lines. For example, my mother-in-law would fill a pitcher in the morning to a certain point that her daily water intake needed to be. She’d fill a glass or water bottle throughout the day from this pitcher. She could keep track of what her intake was and so could we when we stopped by for a visit.

If your elder has home health aides who visit daily or throughout the week, they can assist by placing water on the table at meals and refilling glasses near their favorite chair or in obvious places in their home (while encouraging water intake).

In assisted living or nursing care communities, the staff usually encourages water intake throughout the day, with meals and with medication. But you should ask at the next care conference about how they are handling this and how they are measuring their impact.

Start here.

Ask your elder if they feel thirsty during the day.

Ask how they are doing with water intake. (Keep in mind, they may slightly exaggerate…)

Offer some ideas on how they can drink more and what they might do to keep this need on their daily radar.

Talk about hydration at their next doctor visit. Ask the doctor to review their meds for any that might increase their need for water or that might lessen their thirst.

Find ways that would encourage your elder to hydrate. If they like their water room temperature, buy them a pitcher to leave out and that they can easily lift. If they like cold water, find a place in the fridge for a pitcher.

Add lemon or fruit to water to make it more palatable. Smoothies that mix water with fruit might be a good treat daily. Limit carbonated sugary drinks and replace with fruit juice or sparkling water.

If they have room for it, contract with a bottled water company to provide and replenish one of the water stations that dispenses water at either room temperature or cold.

Adequate hydration is something that elders need to think about, and consequently, something you need to think about as well. So let’s get started thinking and drinking. (yeah, yeah…I know what you’re going to drink).

Think & Drink

Let’s Talk Turkey

Fri, 01 Nov 2024 23:52:56 GMT

Now’s the time – the time to talk about the future, about wishes & preferences, about where, when and how. It’s Turkey Time and the gang’s all together.

Now is the perfect time to bring up the tough subjects with your elders. If they hesitate, bring them some more pie.

Gather your siblings, your parents, your in-laws, your elder family members (and the non-elder ones too) around and start talking. It’s a good time to use humor, to laugh and to make light of a few bits of this topic – but never doubt how important or how serious it is to have this discussion.

What do you talk about? Here’s my list of recommendations:

Where? Where do you want to live as time marches on? Do you want to live in your current house? Your current retirement village? What about moving to live near me? Or sister Sally? If a big rock were to fall from a cloud and hit you in the foot, you couldn’t use your stairs anymore. Where would you want to go? If you need to, use a crazy example like that. It takes away the threatening feelings associated with “you’re going to get old and need care” thoughts.
Talk about the money, honey. Medicare doesn’t pay for long-term care. So, what funds do they have socked away to pay for care, if they were to need it? Do they have long-term care insurance? Do they have investments that provide income to pay for care? Do we need to sell great-grandma’s land in Iowa eventually?
Who’s got power of attorney? Who will speak for the elders if there were to need an alternate voice (legally)? What if that rock that fell from the cloud were to hit you in the head and knock you out for a few days? You’d need someone to speak on your behalf to the doctors and medical folks. That’s what a medical power of attorney (POA) is for. If your bills needed to be paid while you were knocked out, who is authorized at your bank or on your credit card to pay your bills or call your insurance agent? That’s what a financial power of attorney is for. Who has the POAs and where’s the paperwork?
Advance Directive – let’s say the rock hit you on the nose and you needed some apparatus to help you breathe. Do you have any paperwork saying what help you want given and what you don’t want done? An advance directive is so important because it lists the heroic measures you want done on your behalf and which ones you don’t.
Wills – Do you have one? Did you leave everything to me? (well, this could keep the conversation going…) Where’s the will – it’s not helpful if we can’t find it. Have you updated it since 1976?
When you go to glory by riding off into the sunset, what do you want done with your body? Do you want to be buried next to great-aunt Esmeralda in the family cemetery in Bermuda? Do you want to be cremated? How about donating your body to the medical school? Do you want a disco party at your funeral? Do you want Cousin William to play his fiddle? Get the specifics about what their wishes are and what planning they’ve done for this part of the journey.

I know. This is not your favorite topic. It’s not theirs either. But now is the time to talk about it. If you get their input now, they’ll have a say in what happens. If you don’t, it’s possible that they won’t. You can postpone this talk until an emergency happens, but if you do, you’ll all be in panic mode and not in “listening” mode. That’s not a good time to reach out for input, make reasoned decisions and solve immediate issues.

Talk turkey today! Just do it (with or without the swoosh). Sit everyone down and start talking. You may even have a bit of fun with it. But, whatever happens, you’ll be glad you had this talk when the time comes that you need the information.

Be grateful for the time you have today and be thankful that you can have this talk over pie (and not in a hospital waiting room).

Happy Turkey Day!

Let’s Talk Turkey

4 Ways to Find the Right Home Health Worker

Mon, 01 Jul 2024 23:50:11 GMT

Do your parents need care in their own homes? Do they need additional help at an assisted living facility? Are you nervous about finding the right person for the job?

The most important element of matching a home health worker with your parent is fit .

Here are four things to look for in the search for the right home health worker for your elder:

Fit – Think about your parent’s personality. Are they easy-going, temperamental, grouchy, all of the above? When you are interviewing the home health worker, ask them how they work with folks with the type of personality your parent has. Do they get their feelings hurt easily? If yes, they may not be a good fit for your grouchy parent. If the aide is rough in his/her manner, they won’t be a good match for your sweet and accommodating elder. Ask about their style. How do they handle objections from their clients/patients? What do they do when their client doesn’t want to do what they are being asked to do? Inquire about their past experiences with different personalities and how they accommodated them. If this person will be working with two parents or multiple folks in one home, make sure you consider fit for all involved.

Anticipation of Needs – Evaluate how this person would anticipate your parent’s needs. Would they look for ways to help without being asked? Would they check out the pantry to make sure there is enough food to make a meal? Will they fold the laundry that might be in the dryer when they arrive? Will they observe your parent as they move around the house and make suggestions for better furniture placement to accommodate your parent’s walker or movement needs? Ask them questions related to their past experiences. Give them an opportunity to evaluate something in the house where they will be working and gauge how well they anticipate. You want someone who is observant and acts on those observations. You also want someone who is sensitive to the situation. They will see (and help) your parent in some very vulnerable situations. They need to be kind, considerate and understanding of that.

Passion for the Elderly – Workers who love the elderly are the best people for the job. If it is just a job, they won’t stay long and won’t work with as much care and compassion as those who truly enjoy working with the elderly. There are folks who love working with kids, those who love working with the elderly, folks with disabilities, etc. You want to find folks who love old people. Ask, probe, circumnavigate – whatever it takes – find out if they are passionate about elders. If they are, these folks should move to the top of your list.

Can They Do The Work? – Can they lift your elder if it is needed? If you are hiring them for household duties – can they cook, clean, do laundry and other chores appropriately? Can they accommodate your parent’s special dietary needs? Are they gentle in their handling of care (like wound management, incontinence care or transferring from wheelchair to bed)? Are they punctual? Do they notify you in advance if there is a change in schedule? Make a list of what your expectations are and ask them about each one

If you are working with an agency, make sure you are allowed to interview the workers that will be caring for your elder. Don’t assume that they will match the workers with your parent as well as you can.

Remember, you are the gatekeeper for your loved one’s home and care. Being their advocate in this area is one of the most important contributions you can have to their care. Don’t forget to listen to your inner voice as well – it is often the best judge of character. AND – if it doesn’t work out, don’t continue to employ this person or agency. It’s a job, not a marriage!

4 Ways to Find the Right Home Health Worker

When It’s Not Camelot

Fri, 01 Sep 2023 23:46:34 GMT

Do you feel like you are the odd one out when your friends talk about how sweet their elders are, about how they feel so connected to their aging parents? Wondering if you are the only one with grumpy elders?

Don’t worry. It’s not Camelot for everyone. Sometimes the relationship wasn’t good to start with, so why would it be wonderful now? Sometimes your parents have gotten grumpy and irritable. Sometimes they have gotten grumpy and irritable with you, but not with anyone else.

As we head into the Fall and holiday season, it’s important to have a clear assessment of the status of your relationships and to clarify your intentions going forward.

So here are 3 tips for you if your relationship with your aging relatives can’t be described as Camelot:

Come to terms with the situation. The relationship is not great; in fact, you might not really want to hang around longer than it takes to do whatever caregiving you have to do. That’s ok. Don’t try to make a purse out of a sow’s ear. Not all relationships are going to be peachy, even if we want them to be.
Tell your elders that being grumpy, irritable and unkind do not productively help the relationship. Let them know that you expect them to treat you with respect. You would appreciate their kindness and civility. Ask if you can do anything differently that would realistically change the relationship. My husband told his mom that she should start thinking good thoughts about him once in a while (it helped).

Set expectations with your elders of how you expect to be treated, how you plan to treat them and what either of you should do if those expectations aren’t being met. Hold them to it.
Know that you are not dreaming. Many of us experience tough times in the relationships with our aging parents. It’s hard to age gracefully and many folks don’t. They take out their frustrations on the people closest to them. Knowing this and accepting it can feel like a huge stress reliever in itself.

If it’s not Camelot now, it might not be that way forever. As people age, some get nicer to those they love. No guarantees, but it does happen sometimes.

If not, you already know what it’s like. So, give yourself a hall pass and go get a massage or treat yourself to a long walk after you visit with your elders. If you can laugh at any part of the situation, indulge in it. Laughter helps. You are not alone. Caregiving in any form is hard. Caregivers need to acknowledge this and take the time needed to care for themselves too.

#savesomemarbles.

When It’s Not Camelot

5 Ways to Help Your Elder in the ER (before they ever need to go)

Mon, 01 Aug 2022 23:42:30 GMT

Have you ever been called to the ER or hospital when your elders have had a fall, a stroke, a blood pressure episode or some other health issue needing immediate attention? If you haven’t, you will be.

When it happens (note: I didn’t say if) – we sit, we wait, we hold their hands – but, can we do more?

YES WE CAN!

You need to do these things NOW, before the emergency , though. If you do, you’ll spend more time advocating for their care, rather than being up to your ears in paperwork.

Here are 5 things that can make a difference in your elder’s ER experience:

Make copies of your elder’s Medicare card, their supplemental medical insurance card, maybe even their ID card. Keep that in your wallet. Memorize their social security number.
Have their list of medications ready. List how much they take and how often. Include supplements. Make several copies. You keep one in your wallet, give one to each sibling, and put one in your parent’s wallet. Put this together now – before the emergency.
Have a list of their physicians, including specialists, with contact info (phone, fax and address). Don’t forget to list what their specialty is. You don’t want the colon scan going to the dentist.
Prepare a brief list of their medical history. When was their last flu shot, pneumonia vaccine, tetanus shot? Most recent tests or lab work and the results. List of surgeries with dates. Putting this in your phone under notes will help when you need to retrieve it.
Keep a copy of their medical power of attorney and their advance directive. Have them available.

If you have these items with you or have access to them when you are called to come to the hospital, you will be so very glad you did! You’ll be able to focus on your parent, not their paperwork.

You’ll be able to advocate for them, listen to the medical professionals and reassure your elder that they are getting the care they need – instead of running around like a chicken finding pill bottles, looking through filing cabinets and making calls to get medical information in the middle of the night. (Don’t be surprised if the ER admission clerk falls out of their chair when they see your preparation.) Now, get going.

5 Ways to Help Your Elder in the ER (before they ever need to go)

Stress Busters

Mon, 01 Nov 2021 23:15:41 GMT

Your elder’s care team is just that – a team. You are a part of that team, with the ability to make important contributions to your elder’s care.

It’s National Family Caregiver’s Month. That means YOU! Caregiving is stressful and overwhelming. It can bring very special moments too. Check out these tips for reducing the stress so you can enjoy more of those special moments.

Stress less when you’re organized, prepared and ahead of the next elder emergency. Follow these simple tips and you’ll take the stress down a notch or two.

Conversation –

Have you asked your elders what their preferences are now and in the years ahead?
What, where, how, and whom? – are all valid questions for when (or if) they need more care.
Holidays are perfect times to sit down and ask these questions with the whole family there.
If they give you input now, you’ll be able to honor their wishes later.

Paperwork –

Locate the important paperwork and have it handy at all times.
Powers of attorney – financial and medical. Do holders of POA have copies? Are they up-to-date for the state where your elders live and for the state where the POAs are residing?
Wills – up-to-date? Know where they are? Originals?
Forms filled out and sent to Social Security, Medicare and the Veterans Administration, allowing you (or some family member) to be a personal representative for your elders? In case you need to speak with these govt. agencies on your elder’s behalf, they do not accept power of attorney. Each agency has their own forms. See my book.
Advance directives filled out and current. All family members and medical providers have copies?

Sharing the Care –

Are all family members participating in your elder’s care? Every one can do something!! Home maintenance, online bill pay, medication ordering, attending medical appointments, grocery shopping, care conferences. If they won’t do something, have them pay to hire help.
Repeat after me: EVERYONE HAS A ROLE TO PLAY IN ELDERCARE.

Review their Medicare choices –

It’s open enrollment time (Oct. 15 – Dec. 7). Review your elder’s Medicare current plan and compare options on Medicare.gov, including prescription drug plans as well.
Compare how they use the medical “system” to what their plan covers and what other plans offer. Be aware that Medicare Advantage plans limit which providers can be seen to those in network. Make sure you check out who’s in network and who’s not of your elder’s current providers.
Get a list of your elder’s current meds and compare to their current Rx plan’s formulary. Check out other plans on Medicare.gov to see if their formularies cover the current meds at cheaper prices or at more convenient pharmacies.

Build a Medical Binder for each elder –

Include a list of current meds, current providers, summary of medical history, and chronic conditions.
Make copies of insurance cards, powers of attorney, and family member contact info. Don’t forget to put your elder’s contact info and birthdate in the front.
Get the most recent visit summaries from their doctors and place in there as well.
I have a blog on this called The Book Where You Look. Search my blog posts for it.

Take a Breather –

Give up on perfection. Know doing your best is good enough. This is tough stuff and “perfect” isn’t really achievable – so don’t go there.
It’s a marathon and not a sprint. Rest up, take time for yourself and find resources.
Ask for help – from immediate as well as extended family, neighbors, friends, church members, community assistance and so on. You are entitled to have help and it’s out there. Stop for a moment and find it.
You are not alone. There are support groups for caregivers. Organizations like the Alzheimer’s Assn, Parkinson’s Foundation, American Heart Assn, American Hospice Foundation and many others offer support and resources for family caregivers.
You are a caregiver if you are responsible for the care of your elder. Just because your loved one lives in a care community or has paid caregivers assisting them doesn’t mean you aren’t a caregiver. Grab the label and wear it proudly.

Eldercare is punctuated by emergencies. They will happen and there’s no way around that fact. What you can do is be prepared, be organized, and stay plugged in with your elder. This will reduce your stress now and, when the emergency happens, you’ll be able to stay in care mode – avoiding the enormous stress that operating in panic mode brings.

Enjoy the precious moments, laugh, share memories, and know that you are doing something really beneficial for your elder, your family and your community .